since my blog is somehow in pacific time, this post is actually on my birthday

i could have sworn i set that to eastern standard time a while ago...


regardless, i am officially: two decades old, not a teenager, a twenty-something, not twenty-one, and old enough that [hopefully] people won't look at me funny when i say that i am senior in college.

two decades [!]

it really hasn't processed yet. it will eventually. for now when people ask how old i am, i'll say "nineteen...i mean twenty..." and they will "sure you are..."

i have been thinking about something lately and since most of the people in my immediate world would flip and out and say 'holy cow sj what are you thinking' i will bounce this idea off the blog world. hopefully, to a less critical audience.

what if i got my masters in music ed, but then i got [another] degree in english literature? or...journalism? or computers? AGH. i have too many options that i cannot make up my mind. i would love to study abroad. oxford maybe? i could be a literary scholar. there is nothing i like better than a good book and a cup of coffee. is this just hype? is it popular to be a writer? do i like the image only and shun the bleak reality of my sole existence depending on my ability to criticize or create good literature?
but it would not be my sole existence. i could still teach music. heck, i could get a job in a school, or an office. with the recommendation that i hope i will get from my current boss, i could get a job working anywhere. (within the realm of reality of course, we're not talking NASA folks)

this post is incredibly long, yes. however...me sorting out my reason for existence has the potential to last a lifetime, across a vast sea of blogs, journals, diaries and rants on unsuspecting forum hosts.

could weekend hack really be a writer? or a literary critic? is it too late for me to do something i really want with my life? all you older people out there who have changed jobs 3.5 times (according to some survey i heard about a while ago), is it really worth it? i know, i know. i am only twenty. i have my whole life ahead of me to make mistakes, make good decisions, learn, grow, be a wife, be a mom.

i know that no one knows the answer but, how in the name of Benjamin Franklin's spectacles does it all fit together?

my birthday post ladies and gentlemen, from you very own weekendhack. future writer/music teacher/journalist/web designer/literary critic/overall crazy person.

<3 weekendhack.