just tired

so looking at the pile of work i have to do, i decided that i should post. of course

*warning: RANT n' RAVE POST*

i am tired of being alone. i am tired of seeing other people be all cutesy. i want cutesy back. cutesy is fun. and i am tired of people telling me that it is all in God's timing. i know it is in God's timing. EVERYTHING is in God's timing.

I am not content with where I am. With anything. My physical appearance, my family, my relationship with God and so much more.

Does anyone actually know (or care) how insecure I really am? 

We've got these stupid elections for positions in chorale and I really don't think I'll win anything. I am just not popular like those other girls. Sure people know who I am but when they think pretty and skinny and who they want running their chorale, they sure as heck won't think chubby, won't shutup annoying sj.

i'm going to our formal. and i will probably end up just sitting there feeling sorry for myself while all the other happy couples have a good time. and then that guy who is INCREDIBLY awkward will ask me to dance and I'll say no and then feel terrible because I am a bad person. 

why do i even bother going.

GUH. 

stupid college boys.

is it ok to cry in the library? i am almost there.